To Gift or Not To Gift

I am not a fan of giving or receiving gifts. This makes me a grinch or a cheapskate in the eyes of most people, likely the same people who would contend that it's the thought that counts. I resent wasting my time thinking about what others might want. I also know that I can't (don't even want to) afford what they really want. Unfortunately we are expected to give gifts more and more often and to more and more people. I have often purchased gift cards for people I don't even like or barely know.

Some people love the whole gift-exchanging scenario. It's their identity. I think they also like receiving. Some of the people who love, love, love gifting don't care if the recipient loves, loves, loves the gift; they simply want the feeling. In the book, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, I think it would be revealed that the acts of gift-giving and gift-receiving speak love to them. They are good at it, organized about it, they seem to love shopping and "things" (which often appear to me as crap). I have spent my entire adult life trying to understand these people. They are fortunate that they get to feel good about themselves in this consumer-driven society. They do not understand me, illustrated when they might criticize the efforts of the less enthusiastic; i.e., giving to a charity in a recipient's name is some sort of an insult or cash is crass, etc.

There is a faction who gives out of guilt, knowing the expectations. I usually fall in with this group with varying degrees of success and failure, uncomfortable with my unattractive resentment. Yet, there is so much guilt if I try to be true to myself and it is embarrassing to be the one who arrives empty-handed and leaves with something.

Rarely have I received something that I had to have or even remotely wanted. (Exceptions might be flowers, time together enjoying a meal, a well-chosen book...I do get the concept a little.) When I shop for myself, I am usually deliberate and careful. I know what I want. I don't want to inflict my taste on others. And the assumption that mass-marketed trinkets are my taste is annoying. How often I have kept something that I don't care for simply because I don't want to hurt the feelings of someone I care for.

To be honest, I understand and have felt the joyful feeling one gets when one thinks that a gift has really made someone's day. It is easy to do for one's own children when they are young. But I still always wanted to instill in my children that the haul was not the holiday.

Maybe the fact that I have been dirt-poor at times explains me; I don't like to be wasteful. Perhaps the fact that I am religious and think it makes way more sense to give to those in need explains me. I am not overly materialistic but I have everything I need. I am more a doer, less a consumer. Gift-giving seems excessive, boastful, competitive and extravagant to me but I am not criticizing those who really receive joy from it. I just wish I didn't feel I had to do it.

 

P.S.- Although it feels good to have ranted; I still end up feeling like a buzz-killer.

P.P.S- Scented soaps and candles are nice, I gotta say.